Jack's High - a humorous contemporary tale from Wales.





"Vampires, Aliens and Sinister Pagan Cults engulf the Hapless Members of a Valleys Lawn Bowls Club in this Humorous Contemporary Tale from Wales."

"The storyline is fantastic - it has family, rivalry, love, divided loyalties, old feuds - and the writer has created a genuinely rich and engaging world. . . The writing is well paced, the scene descriptions leap off the page and the locale and characters are vividly drawn."

BBC writersroom


PART ONE: Of Mice and Men. . . Mostly Mice
An amazing discovery threatens the future of Penypont Bowls Club. Jack Pryce plans murder. Shane Pryce is abducted. Mr Pryce is still missing.

PART TWO: When The Yoghurts Run Dry
Trapped in a lift members of the bowls club are confronted by zombies, cannibals, and worst of all - each other. Who will survive unscathed?

PART THREE: Guardians Of The Green
A plot to destroy the green is uncovered. Can the members avert disaster? Who is the masked intruder. What ancient secrets lie buried beneath the earth?

PART FOUR: Those Whom The Gods Detroy
The feud between Mervyn and Dr Beynon has unforseen and tragic consequences for both men. Are the dark rumours about Penypont Male Voice Choir true?

PART FIVE: To Boldly Go.
Lost in a delusional world will Mervyn be rescued or destroyed by the alien presence from the High Street? Will Dr Mukjee's 'confrontational therapy' work? Do aliens walk among the unsuspecting populace of Penypont?

PART SIX: Mervyn Prince of Darkness
Vernon, Mog and Raymond attempt to prevent Mervyn from wreaking a bloody revenge on the inhabitants of Shady Nook Nursing Home but is it already too late?

PART SEVEN: Cult Status
FBI Special Agents Wolf Sculder and Deena Mully find themselves up to their necks in a dark conspiracy involving aliens, vampires and sinister pagan cults. Can they save the day or is Penypont doomed?


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'Jack's High is a rip-roaring humorous story centred around ill-fated members of a Welsh Lawn Bowls Club who become embroiled in nefarious deeds by vampires, aliens and sinister pagan cults. Phil Rowlands, the author, is adept at painting sparkling word pictures, of keeping the action moving and sustaining reader interest. Don't be dissuaded by the apparent lengthiness of this book at 346 pages; the page layout style of well spaced sentences and paragraphs facilitates rapid reading and this, coupled with its innate readability, makes it a real 'page-turner'.


Meet The Characters. . .




Councillor Mervyn Lloyd
Prospective Mayor of Penypont

“Thank you all the same but a man in my position can hardly be seen wearing black fishnet tights.”

“It was like watching the Captain of the Titanic deciding the iceberg looks like a good place to dock. How Beynon was appointed headmaster is beyond me! A man in my position cannot be associated with failure Lewis."


“He tried to kill his caretaker you know, this morning in the school car park. The Krays had Mad Frankie Fraser, Marlon Brando had Lucca Brazzi but Doc Beynon’s got the Penypont Male Voice Choir.”




Dr Beynon ap Rhydderch
Headmaster of Penypont Comprehensive School

“The Chairman! What’s he want? Me out, that’s what! He’s with them, he’s never liked me. Well you just wait until the next governors meeting boyo. Once I tell them about your debauchery on the green it’s you who’ll be packing your bags not me.”

“Wait! The play Mr Evans. . . a daring theatrical innovation you said. . . cannot fail to impress you said. . . grab them by their artistic preconceptions you said. Tell me Mr Evans, if our thespians are on strike who is going to do the grabbing?”




Phil Rowlands
Author - Koekohe Beach Otago


CLUB: Ynyscynon Bowls Club - Rhondda, Wales


You don’t have to be a bowler to read or enjoy this book but bowlers were my main source of inspiration and motivation.
So to bowlers with a sense of humour wherever you may be:

“May Your Woods Never Wither”

  Need to contact me? My email is philiprowlands@ymail.com  (please note I am very sensitive and bruise easily!!!)


Vernon Lewis
Best bowler in the Club (according to him)


"Typical of the English that is, if Captain Oates had crashed in the Andes he would most likely have hacked off one of his limbs and handed it round."

“He didn’t see it in the dark. A crevasse lay in his path. Like an open grave waiting to swallow him alive. The police didn’t find him till morning.”

“Oh yes,Will voted for me alright! Lot of use that was, ‘No one asked for it,’ I mean! He’s more use on the green than he is off it and that’s saying something.”




Will Davies
Club member and Vernon's friend.

“He's a Welsh Baptist on his mother’s side. His father was more of the Dark Side."

“He speaks well mind, pity nobody can understand him."”

“I told them straight, it was Councillor Lloyd you were after, not Emrys, on account of him being a vampire.”



Download An Extract From Jack's High




Club member.

“I expect this brings back more fond memories Mr Lewis, innit? “Trapped underground with your butties, the water rising by the hour, oxygen running out . . .”

“Moby Dick’s not a new member Mr Lewis, he’s a great white whale, yo innit,”

“I saw an old war movie once, thirty British prisoners escaped from a German prisoner of war camp using just a rusty spoon and an old tin mug.”




Club member

"There's a lot to be said for, ooo you know, extinction."

I never knew they had paramedics in ancient Greece?

“Gawd, he’s, ooo you know, clever mind. Now he’s found a way to inflict grievous bodily harm on the opposition.”




Jack Pryce
Club Captain

“I don’t know what worried me the most, the swastika or the bullet holes in the wings.”

“For pity’s sake Vernon press the bloody button!”


“It must have been awful for you in those shelters Vern. Frightened children huddled alone in the dark, not knowing what to expect when the all clear sounded.”




Mrs Pryce 
Mother of Jack

“They’re welcome to him, I bet he wasn’t a cannibal when he left Wales.”

“Your brother has been abducted from his own home and you just sit there drinking tea. What are you thinking about anyway? Something mucky I expect.”

“Anyway, I don’t suppose the police would have been much use.They still haven’t found your father.”


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Phil Rowlands



Rhiannon Lloyd 
Mervyn's sister.

“That man gives me the creeps. I thought for a moment I’d have to dig him out of your cleavage.”

“Before you go leading anybody anywhere Merv you’ll need to put your trousers on”

“It began when he joined ‘The Star Trek Appreciation Society’. Honestly, every Wednesday evening our front room is like the flight deck of the Enterprise, wall to wall adjustable Klingon bone structures and two fingered salutes.”




The love of Jack's life.

“Sure it’s a pantomime Merv? You know what those Greeks are like, sounds a bit ’50 Shades’ to me.”

“We’ll have to take your word for that won’t we seeing as how they still haven’t found his body. Personally I think it’s worth fetching a few shovels round and digging up your back garden.”

“Oh go on Merv, let him win. It’ll do his self-esteem the world of good and besides, he’s got a pair of trousers.”




Lewis Prothero
Employed by local council.

“What if some terrible disaster had befallen Penypont Bowls Club, a disaster of such enormity that the offer of a new green would be greeted by grateful members as manna from heaven?”

“One day councillor we’ll be sat in this very spot eating our cheeseburgers and looking out across the vast expanse of the Penypont Circles Theme Park teeming with tourists. A little boy will pause from consuming his candy floss and with wonder in his eyes and a tremor in his voice will point to you and say, ‘Look Mam, isn’t that Councillor Mervyn Lloyd O.B.E. the man who found the stones? He looks just like his statue.’”




Dr Mukjee
Local G.P.

“It is looking much worse than it is. What you are seeing is male bonding.”

“Languishing is definitely very unhealthy. Groping is most likely being illegal.”

“Is there a history of insanity in your family councillor?”


“It is police brutality, he is having a black eye.”


Emrys Evans
Drama Teacher

“He jammed my hands in the window so they could skewer me like a kebab,”

“Just think headmaster it’s got everything, sex, violence, murder, incest,”

“Do not be deceived by the veneer of respectability for beneath lurks a fiend bent upon the pursuit of power, driven by a lust as insatiable as time.”




Deena Mully
FBI Special Agent

“What are you saying Sculder, that some kind of ancient alien structure is buried beneath the bowling green?"

“Are you saying the Druids knowingly collaborated with aliens Sculder?”

“You think the assault on Evans was an attempt at some kind of ritual execution because he chose the wrong camp?”




Wolf Sculder
FBI Special Agent

“This is worse than I suspected Mully, alien abductions, the resurrection of ancient pagan rituals and a sinister cult with sexual and vampiric overtones that has infiltrated every strata of society.”

“Who knows what ungodly abominations have been enacted on this very spot Mully?”


“Perhaps this Councillor Lloyd has been conducting his own investigations, and maybe he was getting a little too close for comfort.”







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